


Ablution - Five Prompts Version

by cutsycat



Series: Dictionary.Com Word of the Day Drabbles [1129]
Category: NCIS, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Crack, Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 15:50:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15998444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutsycat/pseuds/cutsycat
Summary: Tony and Gibbs are on vacation at a beach house when their vacation gets interrupted by cosplayers? Just who are these people and what do they want with Tony and Gibbs' beach house?





	Ablution - Five Prompts Version

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jane_x80](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jane_x80/gifts), [Appletini](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Appletini/gifts), [Vt_girl1701](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vt_girl1701/gifts).



> Another dictionary.com word of the day drabble. This time from 06/03/2002 for the word [ablution](http://www.dictionary.com/wordoftheday/2002/06/03/ablution).
> 
> ablution  
> The act of washing or cleansing; specifically, the washing of the body, or some part of it (as in a religious rite).  
> The water used in cleansing.
> 
> This is for prompt #4 of the May 2018 Five Prompts Challenge located [here](https://ncis-discuss.livejournal.com/141699.html).
> 
> This is for vt_girl1701, jane_x80, and Appletini who somehow took Koalas and turned it into Star Trek and then this fic was born.
> 
> Also apologies in advance for my terrible display of Pon Farr.

# 

Ablution - Five Prompts Version

“Bliss. Nothing could be more perfect,” Tony thought as he sat on the beach staring out at the ocean as the sunset and Gibbs slept on in the cabin behind him. 

That was before he was interrupted by a guy in a strange blue uniform rushing towards their cabin, “Get out of the way. We have a Vulcan going into pon farr. We’re going to need full use of this cabin.”

“What?” Tony quickly stood up and chased after the guy in the blue uniform.

“No time to talk. Medical emergency underway. Get out of the way and take him with you.” Leonard McCoy nodded towards Gibbs whose eyes had popped open, due to the commotion, and his hand, now, loosely held the gun they kept near the bed.

Gibbs looked askance at Tony who just shrugged as he still had no idea what was going on. 

“This is our cabin. We’re not going anywhere.” Gibbs growled.

Dr. McCoy narrowed his eyes and drew himself up to his full size, pressing his finger against Gibbs’ chest in a repeated motion, “Now, you see here, you pea sized neanderthal. What part of pon farr and medical emergency don’t you get?”

“What the heck is pon farr?”

McCoy slapped his forehead with his hand, “I’m surrounded by idiots today. You know that thing that Vulcans go into every 7 years where they have to find a mate or they die?”

Gibbs just got even more confused, but Tony snapped his fingers as he had a lightbulb moment, “You’re one of those Star Trek cosplayers, aren’t you? McGeek loves that show.”

“What the heck is a Vulcan?” Gibbs’ eyebrows curled up in bewilderment.

“It’s a …” Tony trailed off not sure how to describe the fictional Vulcans from Star Trek to Gibbs.

“They’re a pointy eared elf, “ Dr. McCoy started to explain when he was interrupted.

“Bones, are you ready down there?”

“Oh for God’s sake, I have witnesses that don’t understand pon farr and medical emergency and refuse to leave.”

“We’ll just have to chance it, Kirk out.” 

“Impatient, the whole bloody lot of you.” McCoy grumbled as Spock began to materialize in front of him on the bed next to Gibbs. Kirk wasn’t far behind Spock, but at least he materialized in a standing position and not practically on top of one of the civilians.

“Whoa! Neat trick. How’d you do that?” Tony exclaimed, impressed. 

“Believe me, you don’t want to know.” McCoy shuddered. He still hated the whole beaming process. 

“Whoa, Spock!” Kirk immediately interposed himself between Spock and Gibbs as Spock starting to lose himself to the madness of pon farr. “We don’t want to hurt the civilians.”

Spock hated losing himself like this. Intellectually, he understood what Kirk was saying, but he couldn’t comprehend it, right now. All he knew was the need to mate and to let the violence coursing through his system run its course and anyone who stood between him and his mate better watch out. 

“Seriously, you two should leave before it gets worse.” McCoy attempted to get the civilians to leave again. 

Tony shook his head. He was too fascinated by what was going on and Gibbs while he moved out of the way of Spock and Kirk merely crossed his arms and glared, refusing to leave their cabin.

“Oh, for the love of, “ McCoy cut himself off as he glared at the unmoving civilians, “If you’re going to stay, at least find us some water and lube or lotion or whatever you might have as well as first aid supplies.”

Tony and Gibbs exchanged glances before they both vanished into the bathroom. “Explain.” Gibbs demanded.

Tony shook his head. “I don’t know what’s going on. The guy in blue rushed up the beach demanding our cabin. I, of course, followed him in. You saw the rest. They seem to be cosplayers, oddly serious cosplayers.”

Gibbs frowned. He didn’t like the sounds of this. Unexplained interruptions generally did not bode well for them.

Gibbs grabbed the lube that they both hated and Tony nodded. They’d keep the good stuff for themselves. Tony meanwhile grabbed their first aid kit and a bowl that he sometimes used for his morning ablutions when he needed to get particularly dolled up and filled it with water before carefully heading back into the bedroom. 

Tony’s eyes bulged out of his head as he watched Spock and who he assumed was Kirk battle it out on the bed. Spock had already removed Kirk’s top somehow. Kirk didn’t seem to be as interested in removing clothes as the Vulcan, but he also wasn’t really trying to get away from Spock despite what appeared to be some very painful positions he was being forced into. 

“Alright! Where’s the video camera?”

“What?” McCoy shook his head as he startled out of his musings about his two charges and what if/anything would be needed to help them survive pon farr together this time. 

“You know the video camera? You have to be taping this for a fanvid or something.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m far more concerned about these two idiots’ health than taping anything for any reason.” McCoy growled, grabbing the bowl of water and setting it on a table somewhat close to the bed. The lube he simply tossed at Jim and Spock knowing that one of them would catch it or otherwise make good use of it.

“Hey!” Tony protested. “Don’t just take our stuff without explaining what’s going on.”

McCoy grabbed the first aid kit and started sorting through it. “Primitive, primitive, but will do,” he muttered.

“You can start by telling us your names,” Gibbs glared. 

Bones rolled his eyes, and gave a suffering look heavenward as he wondered when it became his job to explain things to the civilians. It really should be Kirk’s job, but yeah, Bones wasn’t willing to take Kirk’s place. “I’m Dr. Leonard McCoy and these two barbarians are Kirk and Spock,” Dr. McCoy pointed to the associated person as he said their name for clarity.

“No. You’re not. Those are characters on the Star Trek TV show. You’re just cosplayers.”

Dr. McCoy shook his head. “Be that as it may, Spock is undergoing pon farr with his mate, Kirk, and I’m the attending physician to make sure that neither of them gets permanently injured as we need them to carry out our mission.”

“Now, look here, you, “ Gibbs started to rage. 

“Bones is fine.” McCoy interrupted.

“Bones then, “ Gibbs continued, “this is our cabin and we have a right to know what’s going on especially if people are going to end up injured.”

“So long as you stay out of the way you’ll be fine. Kirk is experienced with helping Spock through this by now.”

“Why do you need our cabin? Don’t you have your own?”

“That will take too long to explain. Just trust me that we need it.” Bones shook his head. This whole situation was crazy. They were supposed to deal with this on Vulcan, but the fight with the Romulans had damaged the Enterprise enough that they hadn’t been able to make it all the way to Vulcan anymore. 

Bones still wasn’t sure how they’d ended up in a 21st century earth that thought they were cosplayers, but it was better than being hunted for witchcraft. They were supposed to have plenty of time to travel back to Vulcan where the proper rituals could be performed, but then they’d found Romulans where Romulans shouldn’t be and of course, Kirk had to be a hero and confront them. 

The ship had ended up damaged as per usual and while they could technically deal with this on the Enterprise it was better for the crew as a whole if they dealt with it off ship. Before they realized it, Spock was already too far gone and they’d just had to beam to the closest planet. Or well Spock and Kirk had beamed down after Bones had taken a shuttle down to find a suitable location where they wouldn’t be interrupted or cause a prime directive violation.

The cabin had seemed the best location on the expanse of beach that McCoy had landed on. He’d had to hide the shuttle in some pretty dense foliage and just hoped nobody would discover it before they left. There were other beach houses and cabins, but most were hotel like and those that weren’t had no fencing at all, so would not be private enough for their needs. 

“You know, you really don’t have to stay and watch this. If you’re worried about damage, I’ll make sure someone cleans up everything and repairs any damages before we leave.”

Gibbs and Tony stared fascinated at Spock and Kirk as they went at it. Gibbs had seen a lot of sex in his time. It was hard to miss when in the military, but he’d never seen anything like this before.

He wasn’t even sure it qualified as sex. So far they seemed to be spending more of their time fighting, well the Vulcan was fighting, Kirk mostly seemed to be trying to dodge and lessen the blows from Spock. “Are you sure this is safe?”

“Safe? Of course, it’s not bloody safe.” McCoy raged, “ But do they ever listen to me, their doctor, no.”

Tony snorted. He still had no idea what was going on. It seemed an elaborate scheme for cosplayers, but too fantastic for them to really be who they claimed to be, plus everyone knew Star Trek was just a TV show. 

He couldn’t help being mystified as he watched the supposed pon farr play out in front of them. Of course, he also couldn’t help getting turned on as he watched. Even though he and Jethro were exclusive and had been for a couple of years, he was still alive. 

He wouldn’t say that he wanted to experience what Spock and Kirk were going through as it looked quite painful, but he also couldn’t stop watching or stop his reaction to it. There was something primal about what they were doing that touched something deep in Tony. Before he could contemplate about it much, though, Gibbs had dragged him into the other room.

Gibbs had never seen the point to the second room that Tony insisted the cabin have, but now he was grateful for it as it gave them some privacy and an available bed for use since the interlopers had taken their main bed. McCoy watched the civilians go and hoped that that would be the last of the interruptions and that Kirk and Spock could quickly finish the minimum requirements of pon farr, so that they could leave before they ended up in a worse situation. 

Hopefully, they wouldn’t end up in a situation that put more people at risk than just Spock and Kirk. McCoy remembered the last time when he’d had to fake Kirk’s death because of Spock’s fiance. 

At least this time, the fiance was actually completely out of the picture. McCoy didn’t envy Spock the task of breaking it off, but everyone knew it had been for the best. Now, Kirk took care of all of Spock’s needs and Bones just tried to keep everyone patched up and in as good of health as possible.

McCoy could hear similar noises coming from the second bedroom and he had to shake his head. Much as he might like to follow the civilians example, he couldn’t let himself. He had to be ready at a moment’s notice to intervene if medical intervention became necessary.

McCoy breathed a sigh of relief as Spock and Kirk finally collapsed in the bed. Spock was still somewhat aware, but Kirk had passed completely out. “Are you done?” McCoy asked.

“I believe so, doctor. The pon farr is receding.”

“Thank God. Get yourself and Kirk back to the Enterprise and I’ll clean up and go retrieve the shuttle and meet you in sickbay to do a more thorough examination.”

“As you wish, doctor.” Spock agreed, before activating his communicator and reporting, “Two to beam up.”

McCoy did his best to make it seem like they were never there, but he was in a rush. He wanted to be gone before the civilians surfaced. He was sure he missed something. 

“Hopefully, I didn’t miss anything critical.” He muttered to himself as he hightailed it back to the shuttle and the Enterprise.

By the time Gibbs and Tony surfaced after their own lovemaking and went to check on their guests all signs of them had vanished. They exchanged confused looks. Had this all just been a dream? 

It was only many years later when they were giving the cabin a deep cleaning that Tony found a used bottle of lube with a dried green blood spatter on it that he knew for sure that it was real, though, he still didn’t know what it meant.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for the delay rl bit me hard and then muse went I don't feel like writing. Let's read instead. However, I'm going to post this one and tomorrow's as I have them both written and hope that muse will write the next 2 that aren't written, yet.
> 
> My 2018 Prompt collection is open [here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/cutsycat_NCIS_Prompts_2018/profile). Just click the sign up link. ;) It will remain open until the beginning of 2019. I'm hoping to complete all the 2018 prompts by the end of 2019. Here's hoping muse cooperates.
> 
> If you are not an ao3 member, you can prompt me [here](http://cutsycat.livejournal.com/50701.html). Please follow the same rules as are listed in the above link. However, because this is a handmade prompt form(that thinks it's a poll), it is considerably more limited than what ao3 provides, so please use the ao3 form if you're an ao3 member. Please note the name option is for a name that I can say this is for so that you know it's for you. Since this is for non ao3 members it won't be true gifts, but you will be mentioned in the notes.
> 
> For any authors that want to chat and/or are looking for a place where they can toss plot ideas around and get input from people, you can come join my discord server that is specifically geared towards writing/encouraging people to write and authors. The invite link is [here](https://discord.gg/HFvwpCq). If you're not an author, but want to chat with me about writing/stories or anything else you are welcome to join. I reserve the right to boot you from my server if all you do is pester me about updates, however. *grin* Really anyone who wants to talk about writing and/or plot ideas for various stories is welcome to join. 
> 
> I've started a new [poll](https://cutsycat.livejournal.com/55450.html) regarding my series and which ones people most want to see continued in place of the Rapprochement series which I have brought to an end for now... 
> 
> Note: The Bishop Entanglement, Crazy Cat Tale, and Pregnant FBI Agent series will be continued no matter what, so you don't need to vote for those. For those who don't have livejournals just leave a comment with your responses. Thanks!
> 
> Also, I'm looking for some writing buddies. Full details are [here](https://cutsycat.livejournal.com/53610.html). It is friends locked, so you'll have to add me as a friend on lj before you can read it.
> 
> Also, Drakonyashka has translated a couple of my works into Russian. [Tutelage](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12378780) and [Imbue](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12378840). Go support them. 


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